THE NERVE.

(ELLE june 10)

I CAN'T BELIEVE THOSE CHEEKY EUROPEANS HAVE VOTED US BRIS THE WORST-DRESSED TOURISTS.
IN THE PAST, SURE- WE HAVE BEEN GENERALISED UNDER THE SOCKS-AND-SANDALS PARASOL, BUT TODAY THAT IS DEFINATELY NOT THE CASE.

GLEEFULLY, LET'S LOOK TOWARD THE KAFTAN AND SANDAL LOOK, (THE KAFTANDAL) THAT EVERYONE -BE IT TOURIST OR LOCAL HAS ADOPTED AS THEIR ANNUAL SUMMER-FAILSAFE. PLACE OF INVENTION: BRITAIN, OF COURSE. GLASTONBURY WE THANK YOU, AND KATE MOSS, ALL HAIL!


THE BIG PROBLEM, OUR FASHION IS FORWARD-THINKING. INNOVATIVE. MISUNDERSTOOD:

the maxi-  it's logic: covered up= less shore-lazing perverts= fewer newlywed fracas= honeymoon money well spent. 'Maxidress saves the Mr and Mrs'- you just wait Europe.  

(not to mention we do feel like a fully fledged goddess when we float around wearing them)

the cut-out one piece- it's not that we're finally ventilating our Speedos from their years of bottom-drawer banishment- no, we've gone the full circle and made the sporty swimsuit sexy once more. 

bikini, schminikini

the side-split harem trouser- airy, lightweight, comfortable. there's no room for criticism.

fringed accessories- mosquito-fleeing, breeze-inducing goodness... and FASHIONable. 

(midgies are attracted to European sweat didn't you know -good luck with that.)

the turban- now there's no way you can criticise our headwear when there's American tourists and their peaked-cap attachments which definitely need criticising first. practical, chic, and so carrie bradshaw.

(and anyway, we'll be the ones bronzed and laughing when you're fake tanning your peak-shaded nez.)

clog sandals- how dare the Europeans criticise- we're getting inside with our inner Dutch.

the ridiculously large sunhat- two words for you Europe. more shade. 

(if you've ever been to hot, far too hot Dubai, you'll understand.)

I'M WITH GRAZIA, AS THEY SAY- THE EUROPEANS, THEY JUST DON'T GET US

(FORTUNATELY I'M STAYING CLEAR OF EUROPE AND THEIR FASHION JUDGING. LET'S HOPE THE BARBADIANS ARE MORE ACCEPTING OF MY BRITISH 'FASHION'. AS FOR HONG KONG, I'M WORRIED I WON'T GET THEIRS.)